Tips from an awful driver

Alright, let me start by saying I'm a bad driver. It's true; I'm pretty horrible. I do a whole lot of interesting things while I drive, that if I may say so, scare the crap out of my children. I tailgate, am slow to apply my brakes, and apply makeup while I head off to my daily activities. Whatever, That's not the problem. The issues I have are with other drivers. Even I, a self-confessed "bad driver" know that certain things aren't okay to do.

Staring into other people's cars is horrible. I have been at a stop light and have felt the stares of people. What in the world do people want to see? Are they hoping I'll pick my nose? My husband does this, and I want to smack him. Not beat him, persay, but a quick shot to the head would suffice. I don't stare into other's cars, because I simply don't care. Do you want to watch me put on my makeup? Shake my finger at the kids? Or drink water? Go ahead, but when I DO pick my nose, don't look shocked. You are just getting what you asked for.

My next issue I have is people flipping me off. Seriously people? Is it really that serious that flipping the bird is called for? Did I cut you off in my slow Prius? Probably. Did I go a little too far out into the turning lane? Sure. But am I offended when you show me the middle finger? Nope. Don't even care. In fact, my common response is to blow a kiss in your direction. So the next time you feel the urge to show me your opinion regarding the way I drive, please understand I couldn't care less, and you now look like a dingaling.

Third, texting at a stop light. Hey, I don't care if you text and drive. I really don't. BUT, I do if I'm waiting behind you at a stop light, and you are so caught up in your LOLing and OMGoodnessing that you don't see the light turn green. Not only will I honk my horn a million times, but I will get in front of you and drive 5 miles per hour. Hey, you wasted my time; it's only fair I waste yours.

Now I'm not saying I follow my own rules, I just wish everyone else would. That way, my driving experiences would be more enjoyable.