Friendships are hard

     Ok...I'm not a great friend 100% of the time. I realize this and accept it, and so should you. I'm busy, tired, and cranky and generally don't have the time to put into a friendship what it needs. Lately, however, I have started realizing how important my friends are to me. So I started thinking about what steps I should take to be a better friend to those I have been blessed with, and this is what I've come to accept regarding maintaining friendships:

1. Get a calendar. My lifelong friend has one, and although I'd like to slap her with it while planning nights out; it works.
2. Forgive. Nobody is perfect, we all suck to some degree. If you don't forgive, you won't have a friendship.
3. Be available. This is so hard for me, but it's a requirement. When an emergency hits, and your friend needs you; BE THERE.
4. Laugh. If you can't laugh with your friend, there's really no point in having one.
5. Be you. If your friend can't accept who and what you REALLY are, you don't have a friend, you have someone in your life that just takes up space.
6. Don't be self-absorbed. Nobody wants to hear about you all the time (as amazing as we all think we are, this is actually annoying. Listen to someone else for a change, you might learn something.)
 7. You don't have to spend every waking minute together. Most of us have kids, jobs, husbands, etc. We don't have the time to hang out all day. Sometimes you may only see your dearest friend once every two months. The great thing about having a close friend is that no matter how long it's been, it feels as though you were together yesterday.

Friendships are more important than they are given credit. For women, they provide a sisterhood, a support system, a laugh factory. We need them to get through our stress, our heartache, our daily boredom. So if you're wondering why your friendships aren't as wonderful as you hoped they'd be, ask yourself what you are putting into them and what they are made of. Then adjust.

Labeling Kids

Not labeling kids is so dang hard. It's so easy to talk about your kids and say: "Oh. He's the smart kid." or "Yes. He's the cute one." It sounds harmless enough, but given time and repetition; it creates a problem. When I was little, I always heard my parents talk about my sister being smart or me being cute. Well I always wanted to be called the smart one. Now don't get me wrong; my parents are great. They were boosting self-esteem by giving compliments. But..I didn't want that compliment. I wanted the one I DIDN'T get. It's always that way. It sucks, but that's the way it is with people. We want what we aren't given. Positive names are great, but I wonder if they don't pigeonhole kids. If they think all they are is "beautiful", or "smart", or "shy"...and why limit them and who they can be?

Now that I have my own children, I try very hard not to call my children names, especially negative names. I hear so many parents telling their children they are stupid, brats, (or as I once heard it said in the mall from mother to daughter), a whore. I am always amazed when parents that use these negative, demeaning names are shocked when their children turn out to misbehave, not study in school, etc.. well seriously, now. Who is to blame? The parent told their child what to be, and the child listened. Don't get mad when a kid is obedient to your words.

Kids always need to be complimented. They need to be told how wonderful they are, because everyone else in the world is there to tell them they are not. My advice is to spread out the compliments. Cover every great thing about them so that they know they aren't just a one-trick pony. That they can be and do everything. And no, you're not going to like everything your kids do. You might even want to scream daily, but just remember: it takes a hundred positive comments to get that negative one out of his or her head. Choose your words wisely, uplift, be kind, and never be afraid to apologize to your kids when you've said something you shouldn't have.