Labeling Kids

Not labeling kids is so dang hard. It's so easy to talk about your kids and say: "Oh. He's the smart kid." or "Yes. He's the cute one." It sounds harmless enough, but given time and repetition; it creates a problem. When I was little, I always heard my parents talk about my sister being smart or me being cute. Well I always wanted to be called the smart one. Now don't get me wrong; my parents are great. They were boosting self-esteem by giving compliments. But..I didn't want that compliment. I wanted the one I DIDN'T get. It's always that way. It sucks, but that's the way it is with people. We want what we aren't given. Positive names are great, but I wonder if they don't pigeonhole kids. If they think all they are is "beautiful", or "smart", or "shy"...and why limit them and who they can be?

Now that I have my own children, I try very hard not to call my children names, especially negative names. I hear so many parents telling their children they are stupid, brats, (or as I once heard it said in the mall from mother to daughter), a whore. I am always amazed when parents that use these negative, demeaning names are shocked when their children turn out to misbehave, not study in school, etc.. well seriously, now. Who is to blame? The parent told their child what to be, and the child listened. Don't get mad when a kid is obedient to your words.

Kids always need to be complimented. They need to be told how wonderful they are, because everyone else in the world is there to tell them they are not. My advice is to spread out the compliments. Cover every great thing about them so that they know they aren't just a one-trick pony. That they can be and do everything. And no, you're not going to like everything your kids do. You might even want to scream daily, but just remember: it takes a hundred positive comments to get that negative one out of his or her head. Choose your words wisely, uplift, be kind, and never be afraid to apologize to your kids when you've said something you shouldn't have.